I eat so much until people call me Dr. Fish Fish.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

No Pain~ No Gain~ (Pt 1)

The Story

Hee... I suppose many of u will blur blur with my title today. Well, actually when I was reading kimberlycun's blog saying she wanted to do a diet, and I told her I lost 8kg in 2.5 months, she got very interested. So, asked me to tell her bout that. Ok, since it is kind of a long story, I decided to share with ur all my own experience, hope that it is useful for anyone of u out there who wanted to have a safe and healthy diet. Yes, no pain by doin all those liposuction or stomach scale down, neither do u hv to spend extra money on eating pills or go to hv special biometrics programme... And what is the most important thing is remaining u with a healthy life and without the danger of rebounding.

I started my diet plan since end of March 2004. But before that, let me tell u how my diet fights have been goin on for all these years.

In fact, it has been uncounted times I was trying very hard to do a diet. I used many diet methods, including a very extreme one. But I never consume any drug for the purpose of dieting. The side effects of these chemical stuffs cannot convince me in taking them. Neither did I hv money for that. There was a period in high school time when I was deeply depress becoz of dieting. I need a diet tat time, because I felt very low self esteem. And my crush on someone has been growing stronger and stronger, but I couldn't say it out at all. Outside, I was a normal happy-go-lucky fish fish. Only god knew wat kind of big conflict was happening inside me.

Everyday, I only allowing myself to eat half small ball of rice. And doing sports for 2 hrs per day, aerobic and jogging. That time, my body was really in a shaking conditions, but yes, my clothes get looser, but I was very unhappy. Bad temper indeed. Mum was saying I look very pale, but she didn't know at all I was keeping such a diet. Neither do my other family and frens. Mum got angry very much when she knew I was on a diet. I was omost into a stage of getting aneroxia nervosa. Light gastric symptom oso attacking me that time. I was in the border line until my depression explored. And that turned into something very extreme. I eat like crazy. Imaging, I can binged on 3 plates of rice with plenty of side dishes. And after that, I still can finish 2 big packs of potato chips. But my hunger for foods were still on. That was the time when I was in Form 6, a very depressing time for STPM, cause STPM never really something I wanted to study. I kept blaming my parents for forcing me studying that. My results were terrible. I never got so much red colour in my report for the whole life. I dun even felt like discussing the content of study with anyone else. And I didn't care bout my outlook nor my body shape. I was lucky for the final 2 months my mind was clearer a bit for me to study for the last minutes. And yes, I was lucky enough to get enough points to go into the course I wanted to study.

The Form 6 time, all I want was eat and eat. I felt safe when eating. But I felt guilty very much after that, and I force myself to purge for throwing out the food. The feeling and pain was killing. I didn't do it often, only once a while, but that was bitter enough. After that, I wanted to eat again. Imagine I could finish 1kg of roasted peanut in one go. My mouth was numb until I put the whole kg of peanut inside my stomach. I gain omost 10kg during my study when I finished my STPM. I didn't know that was a bulimia nervosa syndrom until I was in UKM studying Food Science and Nutrition.

I didn't know how did I overcone it. I guess I was really lucky to overcome all these by myself. But many young gals and women around the world these days, still suffering from these illnesses.

In UKM, I was even in greater pressure. Of my study... and private matters. I need to maintain my results, for 6 terms continuously on top. But, I love the course I hv chosen. I wouldn't talk much on that. I was glad I choose this field to study. I learnt so much things bout food. But I became the type that 'eat to release pressure'. My weight went up another 10kg during end of my 2nd year UKM life. I think I was 72kg. I look even more terrible outside. The situation like this continued until the 3rd year of my undergraduate. Which was my final year too. We had to start a final year project for writing thesis. Then my eating habit changed. I couldn't eat when feeling stressful. And I was very very busy with my research. Owez run up and down between labs. Then, within 2 months, I lost 6kg, without doing it purposely. I guess that time I hv done a lot of body movement everyday. And less eating. So, my body had to consume my storage energy then.

Ok, when I came to Japan. I was very happy bout how lucky I was for able to come here to further my studies. But then, I was very unhappy too for certain reasons. Hee... skip on that.

Anyway, end of last year, even though I told my prof I was goin to do a diet for a reunion of secondary school's frens, but I didn't make it. A Chinese gal, Wang Hao in my lab starting to do her diet. She has been really continuing it. Everyday, she was very busy collecting all the info from internet, and modifying them to fit her own plan. Seeing her good result, I was tempted to start my own one.

So I declared in my lab:"Ashita kara dayetto shimasu!" (I will start my dieting tomolo).

Yamano sensei:"Yang san, mata kouiu hanashi desuka. Muri!" He laughed. (Yamano sensei was a 1 year research student in my lab. He has been listening me saying want diet, and yet keep putting food in my mouth. So, think he oso kind of tired hearing me repeating the word 'diet'. So, he answered me with 'Impossible, Yong'.)

I don't know why, I hv never so burnt with flame to prove that he was wrong. My spirit woke up. And I know what I was goin to do. Just like the time when I started to become a vegetarian, and everyone think that it was impossible. Wait and see, I'll proof ur hypothesis was wrong.

Hee... ok, I'll stop here for the 1st part. Once I hv written then, I will post my next part on how I do my dieting programme for these few months. ;) Till then, stay tune.

For those looking for a food post, sorry, will be postpone for a few days until this topic is over.


At 12:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi fish fish. i just love reading your blog. been visiting for quite some time now, just have not been doing much commenting ^___^ stumbled upon your blog some time back.
can't wait to read about the dieting programme. would like to really loose some weight, if possible. can't seem to get myself started on dieting at all. always end up giving up. =P
also, just like the way you call yourself fish fish...lol...sounds really cute...


At 5:26 AM, Blogger fish fish said...

Dear winterx, a big welcome to fish fish's place. Thank u for the silent support all this while. Really happy to hear that u like it. :P Heee... yah, I tend to call myself fish fish. It has been my nickname since secondary. This name been modified into many form by my frens... ikan ikan, sakana, yu yu... Ai yah~ too bad this is a fish that can't swim. *shame shame*

Ok, I will try to do the next post bout the dieting on this Sunday. Tomolo no time, go to meet Malaysian frens. yippie! ;) Till then.

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Ayln said...

Hi fish fish,

I've been reading your blog for a while and I just wanted to comment on this post. That must have been very intense. I myself have managed to diet myself down to a reasonable weight (used to be ~90 kg, now 58 kg) so I know the feeling. After a while I became pretty obsessed with losing weight and so I did something like you did in your anorexia stage, but not as extreme. Cold and tired all the time, bad brain function and memory.. :( Now I am trying to rebuild my metabolism and I hope that it might be able to return to normal. Anyway, can't wait for part 2!


At 2:15 PM, Blogger Kimberlycun said...

i battled BN myself for 3 years, now i'm almost a year free. this is the most awesome feeling, to have come out of it. congratulations to you too :) can't wait to read your next post *hugs*

At 5:52 PM, Blogger mmulibra said...

Wow, you are from UKM too?!. I completed my degree and Master in UKM.

Anyway, back to the main subject, almost everyone that I know of, lost their weight when they are in Japan. I myself lost 5 kilos when I am here for just 7 months. You are in a great country to lose weight. Based on the Japanese diet, mostly soya-based and less oil compared to Malaysian foods, I guess it's much healthier and nutritous.

At 5:56 PM, Blogger mmulibra said...

Hmm, posted one comment earlier, but seems to be lost. Anyway, just to say, nice to know you are from UKM too.. and the main thing is that everyone lose some weight while in Japan as most of the foods is based on soya-based and less oil, should he healthier and more nutritious.

At 10:44 PM, Blogger fish fish said...

Dear Ayln, thank you for ur silent supports all these while. Really appreciate that. A big welcome. :) Wow! 95kg drop till 58kg?? That was really a figure. Wow! Ganbattene! But must remember in a healthy way. I dun really wat was the method u hv used, but yes I am goin to share my own experience with ur all later on. Will goin to write very soon. ;) Maybe u would like to share ur experience with us too? I really do wish to know wat are the other gals hv done in order to lose weight.

Kimberlycun: Congratulation to u too dear. Yap, to be able to get out from the situation was really great. But, to continue with a better life is wat even more essential. I myself dun want just end for 1 or 2 years, and get back to the old me again. I need to maintain that for 20 years, or even longer... and yes, hard work is needed. Wait for me to post my Pt 2, then would like to hear u share ur experience too. :)

mmulibra: Ee? UKMer ar? Welcome welcome. Which faculty were u? Last time, I stayed in Bukit Kajang, with 12 housemates. Imaging that. :P Yap, the foods in Japan is indeed a good way to lose weight. However, not everyone lost weight wor. Half of my frens, gain weight. There was one gal gained 10kgs in one year. Why? Becoz the snack and dessert and cakes in Japan too yummy. :P Especially in Kyoto. :(

At 11:04 PM, Blogger ~AnGeL~ said...

haha... being in japan is dangerous.. i am gaining weight and i have only been here for 7 months. Need to start dieting. Planning to walk up the mountain to my university tomorrow. But first, I need to wake up early!!! And walking in the cold... brrr... hmm..on second thoughts, one burns more calorie by walking downhill... i think i will opt for the latter!! Nice seeing you again yesterday. :)

At 12:23 AM, Blogger fish fish said...

Yap yap Angel, it was really nice to meet up with u again. Hey, I posted a short talk bout the last nite Raya celebration in my xanga site. Heee... ur 'Piggies' were inside too. :P

Kobe is a place too difficult to resist those too tempting yummilicious.


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