My inner anxiety...
One part of me is yearning for real freedom for a few months for me to do the things I want. Meaning a really good holidays, relaxing myself, eat as much thing as I want, have as much fun as I wish.
However... I just can't.
Another part of me keep reminding me that I am jobless. I am a person without any income to support myself now. Worse, I have to depend on my mum to give me pocket money. Although I didn't say I have no more money in my wallet to her, somehow mum has really good sense, she always hand me over some amount of money when I am just about to run out of it. This makes me feeling very guilty and useless...
I am turning into very impatient. Easily get annoyed by a minor thing. I always remind myself to cool down myself, but it only makes me become anxious more.
Today I was acting very strange. Eventually, I chose to get out from my house, jumped on my mum's car and be with her for a few hours. She brought me to the park and let me have a good walk to sweat. Ah~~~ this really helped. At least my mind is getting clearer after that.
Around 8 pm, I guessed mum started to get worried, she called her friend "Hey, where did you bring my daughter ah?", just when we arrived at my house.
"Haha, I sold her."Mum's friend was joking back. But I know mum must be really worrying.
Sorry mum, I shouldn't be mean today. I know I am really a bad girl today. Sorry I hurt you.
I really need to learn to cool myself for my uncertain future.
At least, just now I wrote the email to ask again the place I wanna go about my chance. Hopefully it will be an optimistic reply. *Pray really hard*
When will my spring be coming to me? Oh the mighty one, please give me the energy and luck. Please...