I eat so much until people call me Dr. Fish Fish.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

My inner anxiety...

One part of me is yearning for real freedom for a few months for me to do the things I want. Meaning a really good holidays, relaxing myself, eat as much thing as I want, have as much fun as I wish.

However... I just can't.

Another part of me keep reminding me that I am jobless. I am a person without any income to support myself now. Worse, I have to depend on my mum to give me pocket money. Although I didn't say I have no more money in my wallet to her, somehow mum has really good sense, she always hand me over some amount of money when I am just about to run out of it. This makes me feeling very guilty and useless...

I am turning into very impatient. Easily get annoyed by a minor thing. I always remind myself to cool down myself, but it only makes me become anxious more.

Today I was acting very strange. Eventually, I chose to get out from my house, jumped on my mum's car and be with her for a few hours. She brought me to the park and let me have a good walk to sweat. Ah~~~ this really helped. At least my mind is getting clearer after that.

Around 8 pm, I guessed mum started to get worried, she called her friend "Hey, where did you bring my daughter ah?", just when we arrived at my house.

"Haha, I sold her."Mum's friend was joking back. But I know mum must be really worrying.

Sorry mum, I shouldn't be mean today. I know I am really a bad girl today. Sorry I hurt you.

I really need to learn to cool myself for my uncertain future.

At least, just now I wrote the email to ask again the place I wanna go about my chance. Hopefully it will be an optimistic reply. *Pray really hard*

When will my spring be coming to me? Oh the mighty one, please give me the energy and luck. Please...


At 7:35 AM, Blogger Wilson said...

I have the same feeling when I just finish my study,but the more worry/anxiety I get, my mood become worse. So I think we have to just relax, and stay focus ;)

At 9:27 AM, Blogger miracle8 said...

Yap, agree with Wilson. Chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi.
Try your best to secure your job, but don't overstress yourself.
Take care and good luck!

At 10:27 AM, Blogger letti said...

good luck with the job search!

At 6:22 PM, Blogger Kristopher said...

when i finish my study, i want to enjoy life 1st but since when the time i finished, the economy is bad and luckily i got a job within 1 week then till now...regret lo...should enjoy life 1st and go go and see see other places 1st...

FF, just rest for 1-2 months but not too long then start working..trust me..when u start working, u won't have time to go see see and look look liaw unless u work like those ang mo....

At 9:47 PM, Blogger sixthseal said...

yeah, i can relate to that...but it shouldn't be a problem with you (graduate from japan).

have you tried sending resumes out to companies? jobstreet is a great place.

if you want a piece of advice, the first company you go into doesn't have to pay high, but it must give you a chance to learn relevant things.

use it as a stepping stone to your next job. :)

good luck!

At 10:09 PM, Blogger cooknengr said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 10:21 PM, Blogger cooknengr said...

Hey Fish Fish, count your blessing. It was 1990s, cold war just ended, defence contractors were laying off, entry level EEs jobs were very difficult to get at the time. Prior to graduation, Ta Ker had to worry about not having a job and had to leave America after graduation, with a sister waiting for my financial help.

With grace of God, Ta ker attended graduation alone on Saturday and started working on Monday. the bad side is I did not have a decent vacation for the next 6 years. Take a deep breath.....the mighty one has different plan for everyone and I am sure you'll be fine.

This is "just the begining", When you start working, there will be many many other thing beyond your control that bothers you and you'll learn to control your mood swings and still carry on with your job and daily life...

Good Luck, Fish Fish.

At 6:53 AM, Blogger Patrick Leong said...

i tot you were in japan for more than 5 years. where did all your savings go ? dont tell me you have spent all for food - i mean for this food blog.

anyway, all the best in your job hunting. malaysia ? the states ?

At 11:23 AM, Blogger milgwimper said...

Fish Fish,

Hang in there, and keep trying okay? Things will work out! I will be praying for you, and you never know what life will bring. :)

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Acrix said...

Hope u can get the job u want *praying hard*

At 10:26 PM, Blogger Julie said...

fishfish moi.. never think of coming down to kl n work?

hope u will secure a job soon.. (=

At 2:31 AM, Blogger Kimberlycun said...

can totally relate to you babe. stay strong and good luck!

At 10:22 AM, Blogger fish fish said...

wilson : Yah, I am trying to make myself more relax now.

miracle8 : Thanks dear. I am much ok today, after a deep thinking.

letti : Thanks girl.

kristopher : Yap, that is what I am trying to do now. But somehow with the uncertainty of my job, I couldn't let myself free 100%.

sixthseal : Yah, I never actually look for the pay for this 1st job of mine. It is the learning opportunity that I am looking into.

cooknengr : Thanks dear. I am hoping this worry of mine will over soon, in a good way.

patrick : In mum's pocket, but not much left. That's why I am getting RM from her now. :P Hey, when do you wanna come over? I am still waiting for your reply.

milgwimper : Oh thanks dear. I'll try my best.

acrix : Thanks buddy. I am praying hard too.

julie : Well, KL is a bit too crowded for me. :P

kimberlycun : Thanks dear, muak.


Post a Comment

<< Home